Wednesday, May 2, 2012

One of These Things

I am in a seriously bad space this week and don't quite know how to get over it.

Saturday was so awful that it has sent me right to the brink. Being behind the pack in that group ride was very hard on me. It's not like I just discovered that I'm slow. I pretty much knew that. What's getting to me is that I don't feel like I have what it takes when I look at other people. As they used to say on Sesame Street, "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong."

There is no triathlete slower than me. I am not being self-effacing. This is the truth. Other people say they are slow but they are not. I am slow. This limits my participation and enjoyment. It humiliates me. It defines me.

I am not gung-ho to get out there and kill myself all the time. I do my workouts, I do them well and I do them faithfully but I don't have some kind of death-defying "bring it on" kind of craziness about me like some people do. I am afraid of new situations and am easily intimidated.

I am terrified of the race I have signed up for, while others are doing several Ironman races this year.

I know that it isn't good to compare oneself to others. But, seriously, at what point should I wake up and smell the coffee?

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