Cycling Heaven

This weekend was a long weekend and I went on a cycling trip with 14 other members of my triathlon club. We went to Drumheller, in southern Alberta, where the terrain is unique and amazing and the sun was shining. We rode about 100 kilometres per day for three days. Each day, the ride gave us something different. The first day, there was a lot of long, smooth, fast highway, a couple of epic climbs, and a ferry ride. Day two brought about 50 km of some serious roller coaster riding, followed by another 50 km of nice fast straightaways home. At the end of that ride, there was a big screaming downhill. I had been leapfrogging with another guy in the last few kilometres and we raced each other down the hill and into town. On day 3, we rode an almost flat route along the river. Ten of us got into a pace line, tucked up close together, taking turns leading. We had perfect rhythm, perfect communication, a perfect pace and it was truly, truly beautiful. We rode like that for 70 km.

My body did its thing this weekend. I felt strong and good. I wasn't too tired and I wasn't stiff or sore at all. It made me marvel at how our bodies can do these amazing things that we ask of them.

I was there with a great group of positive, enthusiastic people and it was such a wonderful time. I was the one who planned the trip and it made me very happy that it went so well and that everyone enjoyed it so much. It was hard to come home and leave the magic behind.

Something Happy to Report

Yesterday evening, I went to the hill climbing workout with my club. I seriously, seriously did not want to go. My feelings of demoralization were epic and the last thing I wanted to face was sucking at hill climbing in front of my group. But, I am happy to report that the evening turned out very well. There were 11 of us there and it was a nice, happy group of people. We climbed 6 different hills for a total of 14 climbs. As we rode from hill to hill, we chatted and laughed. Nobody was riding like an insane maniac with something to prove on the way to the next hill. Sometimes, when we were climbing, I was the last one up but just by a couple of bike lengths and sometimes I wasn't last. My legs felt strong and I really enjoyed myself. It was a lovely evening. I was wearing a nice new outfit. My bike was a pleasure to ride. It restored my spirit a little bit.

One of These Things

I am in a seriously bad space this week and don't quite know how to get over it.

Saturday was so awful that it has sent me right to the brink. Being behind the pack in that group ride was very hard on me. It's not like I just discovered that I'm slow. I pretty much knew that. What's getting to me is that I don't feel like I have what it takes when I look at other people. As they used to say on Sesame Street, "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong."

There is no triathlete slower than me. I am not being self-effacing. This is the truth. Other people say they are  slow but they are not. I am slow. This limits my participation and enjoyment. It humiliates me. It defines me.

I am not gung-ho to get out there and kill myself all the time. I do my workouts, I do them well and I do them faithfully but I don't have some kind of death-defying "bring it on" kind of craziness about me like some people do. I am afraid of new situations and am easily intimidated.

I am terrified of the race I have signed up for, while others are doing several Ironman races this year.

I know that it isn't good to compare oneself to others. But, seriously, at what point should I wake up and smell the coffee?

Some Stats

Here are my training statistics to date. I officially started my Ironman training in September but really most of the swimming and running and all of the biking have been since November:

Swimming: 152,900 metres
Biking: 2775 km - most of this has been on the trainer at spin classes - some good, hard riding
Running: 682 km

I don't know if this is a lot or not and I guess it kind of depends on the person. I feel pretty good about what I've done. The heavy mileage is coming in the next 6 weeks. Weeeeee!

Time Gone By

It has been a very long time since I wrote about my training. I have been overwhelmingly busy with work. This term, I taught three courses, two of them new for me, so I have been pretty busy keeping the courses going and managing 320 students. The term was officially over for me last Wednesday, when I submitted the final grades and it's been very nice to have a couple days to think about something other than lecture prep. 

So, to try to recap what the last several weeks have held:

February and March were quite good months as far as the training went. I did all of my workouts, missing only a couple of swims in those two months. I could feel myself getting stronger and fitter. Although work and training were pretty much my life, I actually felt happy and balanced and very motivated. I especially enjoyed the spin season with my triathlon club. We did three good, hard workouts a week and it was so satisfying to accomplish them. I really like the group of people who attended the spins. My job, as part of the board of the club, was to coordinate and manage the spins so I got to know everyone who was there and feel like I was part of something really good.

April, though, was a hard month. Suddenly, it seemed, my workload caught up to me and I was working very long hours trying to get the last of the term's work finished up - creating the last few lectures, preparing for the final exams, meeting with panicked students, etc. Somehow I still managed to fit my workouts in, although sometimes I had to defer them to another day. Our spin season ended on April 22 but the weather hasn't been that nice since then so outdoor workouts have been a little miserable. I have found myself in a gloomy place this last week - so tired, depressed by the weather and getting a little more stressed about my looming race.

Today I went on a long group ride with a few members of the tri club. It was actually a lovely day and I was feeling strong but I rode with a few people who are quite a bit faster than me. I am faster than I was last year but rather than feeling good about that, the ride today just made me feel a bit lame. I also get the feeling that my coaches are a little unhappy with me for messing with my schedule. I know how hard I've worked to accomplish everything these past couple of months - to do my job well and to do my workouts faithfully - and yet I am left feeling like I didn't do enough and I am not where I should be.

Now, with only eight weeks to go until the race, I would like to be feeling positive and strong and more and more ready. Maybe this is just how it is. I know there are highs and lows and this will probably turn itself around in the next little while. There is not much I can do but carry on, keep training, focus on what works for me, and take one day at a time. I am also going to focus on accepting myself for what I am and where I'm at. I have time until the race and I'll keep plugging on toward the goal.

Sheer Bliss

Yesterday was the usual brutal Wednesday evening spin workout but it was very unusual in the most amazing way.

At about the middle of the session, we were riding along at a time trial effort, just like out on the road. I got my legs going at a good hard pace and settled into my aerobars. I was feeling pretty good. Then I started to feel even better. I closed my eyes. I felt like I was alone in the room. I felt one with my bike. The music drew me in. I just rode like that. It was blissful, magical, transcendent, almost spiritual. I was way beyond "the zone." It was the most amazing experience. I've never felt like that before. I didn't want it to end. It was so perfect.

I am amazed at how wonderful it can feel to train.

I Feel Great!

Last Wednesday, I had a little bit of a crash. I was exhausted and needed a break. But even the next day, I felt much better and by the weekend, I was myself again. Now, I'm feeling great!

I met with my coaches on Sunday, just to check in and talk about upcoming weeks in the plan. My main coach, who is giving me all of my workouts, had not seen me since we first met each other at the end of November. Since then, I have lost 20 pounds, changed jobs, and become stronger. When I walked into the coffee shop, she said, "Oh wow - that's it - I'm doing another Ironman! Look how good you look! This is really working for you!" My other coach told me that I looked so much happier and relaxed. It struck me at that moment that things have really come together for me and that I am feeling better than ever.

Yesterday was a great day. I woke up in the morning excited about the day, even though it was just an ordinary Monday. I taught my classes and they went well. Then I went to spin. This was an extra spin workout for me but I wanted to do it because the club has added Monday spin sessions now and I didn't want to miss out! It was a hard workout and I enjoyed it so much. I felt strong and happy - like I was in just the right place. I told the spin instructor afterward and he said he could tell I was working hard and getting stronger and that it seemed like things had clicked for me.

After an awkward start to my training, after four months in a job that was not right for me, after the disruption of Christmas and the cruise, and despite a lot of stress in my teaching position now - it's great work but there's a lot of it! - I am feeling like I've turned a corner in my training. Running feels good now, after a few months of slogging. Spinning is awesome and I can take whatever those mean instructors dish out. Swimming is starting to feel better, too. I am doing more distance and working on speed; the workouts are enjoyable and seem to be having an effect.

My attitude is different, too. I am more confident, more positive, more willing to take on this kind of hard physical challenge. I have been inspired and supported by some amazing athletes in my club and I am so motivated to do this.

I know that every day won't feel like this - the good times and bad times come together - but it sure is nice to have a moment where I can enjoy the changes and progress that I'm seeing.