I planned to swim today but it's 8:00 pm and I still haven't gone. I think I'm skipping. I don't want to go alone. I don't feel like another back and forth boring swim. I swim at the same speed no matter how hard I try so I can't bring myself to do any hopeless intervals.
Maybe I'll go for a short run just to get a workout in for the 100 day challenge. I'm on day 56 and I have to stick with it now. Challenge or no challenge, I have to workout everyday anyway.
I feel like I'm just going through the motions of training but not having any fun.
The warm fuzzy I felt when my physio told me that I inspire him is gone.
I've been swamped with school work - marking, writing, job applications - so I've just been cramming lonely workouts in without a plan. I haven't made it to spin class for a couple weeks. I think about going to group swim training but that hasn't happened either. I feel cut off and afraid to go back because everyone else has probably made progress without me.
The stress has made me eat poorly because I don't take the time to shop and prepare good meals.
I am sad. If I'm going to do it, it should be fun. Right now, it's lonely and pointless.
We can make a swim date. I have swum zero times this year, and need some practice. I also would like to try out a few things that Dan-O told me about. As long as my gasping doesn't freak you out :) My only restriction is I need to plan around when Dan can be home with John.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are not pathetic. So there.
Sara
I blogged this "have to train" mindset and how it's the reason I no longer train for triathlon here: http://ktheturtle.blogspot.com/2009/06/burnout-or-change-of-heart.html
ReplyDeleteThe answer to my question in the post is, it was a change of heart. Training from IM was taking away from other parts of my life and it's something that I just can't return to because I just don't want to. When I was in the throws of "inspiring" others most of my identity was tied to being a triathlete and being someone people looked up to. Now, I'm much happier being me....wife, mom, employee, fit and active. No medals or triathlon goals required. :0)
To be honest, this 100 day challenge is burning you out, but like I did with IM training you're failing to heed the warning signs and letting your determination and pride take precedence over your happiness. Being happy is success, not failure.
Hi Kerry - I read your blog before I wrote this and I was envious of your decision to take back the balance in your life. This year, though, I am committed to Great White North. I have to see it through and I want to do better. The challenge just puts structure around the training I have to do anyway. I think my feelings are complicated by the fact that I am nearing the end of my PhD, I spend my days alone writing, and I don't know what I'll do when I finish. Things feel aimless and lonely at the moment. It won't always be that way. I just have to get beyond this.
ReplyDeleteSarah
ReplyDeleteWe all go through phases like this in training. It's not burn out, it's not the 'end' or anything. There will be points that the training just plainly sucks and it's more of a mental thing than anything physical.
Focus on just one day at a time - one workout at a time - one swim length, one spin up, one km of a run. Don't look too far ahead - it'll come.
C
Sarah, I completely agree with Carla. Just like you have a bad run every once in a while, not every day is going to be "sunshine & roses" That's the inherent problem with the long training cycle involved in a half/full iron. You are so far away from "d-day", but still have so much time to get the quality work in!
ReplyDeleteI use the workouts that aren't so fabulous to reflect on where I have come from, what I've done & where I will go.
I'm in a similar spot with regards to my training group, simply because they always train when I am working. I constantly feel that they will be miles ahead of me come race season. Come April/May I will only be working out with them on Saturdays for bricks. Right now swimming is on my own (90% of the time) running, fingers crossed will start back in 2 weeks, on my own & I'm sick & tired of staring at my TV while riding my bike.. lol.
I know that these times on my own will only make me stronger come race day.
I can guarantee that you will be the same.
((HUGS)))
Tracy
Arhem... are you doing those swim workouts I gave you? Silly goose? Lets go have a race tomorrow night at the pool :D
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you everyone for your support while I was feeling so low! Things are a little better now. In the last week, I finished a dissertation chapter, had a great spin with friends and went to Calgary for a conference. I feel a little bit reconnected with people and a little more energized to continue. I know these harder times don't last, which is why I've kept plugging away. It sure is nice when you start to feel that spark again, though.
ReplyDelete